You’ve browsed the racks and rails, found potential winners and head to the fitting rooms. Six items or less – the coat hangers cut into the side of your hand a little as you wait for a room. Excited and a little apprehensive, you step into that small space and carefully hang the garments on available hooks and draw the curtain behind you. Then it begins…
The glare of unforgiving fluorescent lights is not for the fainthearted. The close proximity to the mirrors in this small space makes the avoidance of reality impossible. Before long you feel defeated, slumped on the small bench looking at the enemy which has been hung limply back on the hangers, regretting every cocktail or cupcake that has ever passed your lips.
There it is. Your body is All Wrong and Nothing Looks Good. And it’s All Your Fault.
Really?
Call in the experts, because this dilemma needs some examination. I have managed to corner the ultimate guru of wardrobe wisdom, stylist Carl Abad, who for many years has been the witness and saviour of countless fitting room meltdowns.
We need to look at the causes, get a diagnosis and find a cure!
Carl smiles, “A little bit of therapy”.That’s how he defines what he does. We are sitting on a sidewalk patio in Sunnyside, sheltered by the tall red brick building from a rather chilly wind. Carl has a presence. Magnificently dressed, large designer sunglasses, bejewelled with his own unique brand of fun bling, but what strikes me is his clear and direct gaze. Confidence without arrogance. Non-judgemental. You immediately feel safe.
He explains “Retail stores are there to sell. You will be told you look great, you are excited, you purchase it and take it home. Next thing, you put it on and your friend looks at you and says ‘what on earth are you wearing?’ Suddenly deflated, you’ve lost that happy feeling and you’re left to see the truth.”
I have consulted with him in the past - a three-hour session which was infinitely more than just shopping for clothes. He is dead honest. He tells you why it does or does not work. I still feel the tug of his hand on a pair of pants he had brought me to try. I knew they looked really bad on me, and when I pulled the curtain aside Carl’s face immediately confirmed this. He touched the thick fabric which did not effectively drape or skim my shape and explained why they were wrong for me.
The pants were wrong, not my body.
Our coffee arrives, a welcome hot drink. Carl states emphatically “You are always right, because you are YOU!” That simple comment turns it upside down. “It’s not YOU who has the problem, but rather the clothes that are wrong for you.”
The big fight is against media influence, that external yardstick by which we measure ourselves, yet which has no practical relevance. It’s an absurd, unwinnable battle often culminating in dysmorphia.
Carl’s insights continue “Understand your body in a truthful manner. Not referencing TV or magazine images. Look without comparison. When you take that away, you can love what you see. If you are already loving media images, it will be hard because you cannot match that. Have an open conversation with yourself. Out loud. Hearing yourself saying it will make it real. Constantly doing that, and not comparing, is where the journey starts.”
He repeatedly emphasises that the key is to stop comparing. It’s an inner change we need to make. His “little bit of therapy” is bringing clarity.
“You can only control yourself and your perceptions. Stop comparing yourself to others.”
We need to be educated by the likes of Carl. Someone who will honestly “tell you why, show you why and discuss both what is good or bad. To know the ‘why’, ie why certain items feel good. To educate you for future shopping. It is very personal.”
“You can only control yourself and your perceptions. Stop comparing yourself to others… confidence starts small and then grows to all areas of your life.”
Carl Abad
This education is critical, the missing piece. We cannot simply translate from a magazine or website. We need to understand skin tone, colour palate, technical aspects, proportions and style, as well as where to start. We also need time and focus – we do not give ourselves the time to carefully prepare and think about our wardrobes, and we neglect to edit.
He next turns to the subject of confidence. “Women dim their light, as they don’t want to be judged. When you are confident, you are not worried about the opinions of others. When you are put together well, you stand differently. Clothing is a shield. It does not change everything, but it is an extra tool. Confidence starts small and then grows to all areas of your life.”
It is empowering knowing that you look good. Another layer is added when someone tells you so – not so much for the compliment but for the feeling you have someone on your side who sees you in a positive light.
We continue to chat. About his own journey, about success and failure (“There is no failure. You either win, or learn”), about social media and the modelling industry, about sheep in a field (more about that another time!). I don’t want this visit to end.
Carl is hugely inspiring and delivers the unvarnished truth with grace. He helps us create better versions of ourselves, both inside and out. It would be my wish for everyone to spend time and go shopping with this wise style guru, even if just for an hour or so. It is an investment and time wonderfully well spent on something that is so much more than clothing. It is an experience that can change both your outer and inner worlds.
And in addition, at the end of it, you will walk away confidently with an outfit that your friends will applaud.
Written by: Mickey Foulds